My Story

My family moved to the Gulf coast of Florida in 1982. My stepfather was a truck driver, my mother a photographer. In high school, I was mostly a pothead. I hung out with a group of guys in a heavy metal band. Every weekend we would deeply explore the exotic world of sex, drugs and rock and roll. It was a great place to grow up. World class beaches were where we skipped school… 80s hair metal ruled our lives: leather, spikes, eyeliner and mousse were my go-to accessories, chosen to highlight tight jeans, concert Ts, and untied high-top Nikes.

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At age 17, I was just trouble. I was always searching for a new high, a new adrenaline rush, a new direction. Luckily, my mother saw the future in the way that only mothers do, and ummm, “suggested” I join the military and “grow up”. The “suggestion” didn’t really seem optional, unless I wanted to sleep on a band members floor indefinitely. So, I joined the Navy in 1988, at age 19.

I spent 4 years in the Navy. I got out of the Navy in April 1992 (honorably). The twenty years or so after the Navy were a blur of Community College, bar tending, various jobs of all types, business ownership… and crazy women.

…Fast forward to 2012.

After spending my entire adult life, up to this point, (I was 43), renting, working, raising kids, and generally pursuing the “American Dream”, I found myself in a horrible marriage, a terrible economy, and out of work. I realized, after 20 years of renting nicer and nicer houses, that I really had nothing tangible to show for all those years of toil, hope, and delusion. I had a tired old truck and a pile of stuff on someone else’s property… is what it amounted to.

We are told (trained) our entire lives that money equates to success. We are taught to strive harder and harder, to earn raises, to work 60+ hours a week, and get newer and better stuff as we go. To consume. To my horror that’s exactly what I had done for the last 20 years. I realized it’s a never ending cycle. A treadmill. We are all just treading water, hoping to make it to shore (retirement) before we drown (debt) or just become too tired to continue (die).

Many are under the impression they get a “reward” after a lifetime of “service”. Do we believe that somehow, at age 65, we can finally have fun fishing, sleeping late, and watching TV all day if we want to? Is that the reward for using all your youth, creativity, desire, energy, and motivation to actually make it to age 65? What if you want to hike into a canyon or up a mountain? What if you want to ride a motorcycle through the desert to explore forgotten places? Will we still be able to do these things at age 65? Will we still even want to?

I thought about that a lot. I began to explore ideas that were new to me. I thought, “if I cant make more money, without spending my life force getting it, maybe there is a way to need less money”. I even tried explaining my new ideas to those closest to me. Bad idea! When people arent ready for new ideas, they consider them ridiculous, outrageous, even mad.

So for a few more years, my ideas matured, my understanding expanded, and my theory was ready to be put to the test. But, I couldn’t share my ideas, remember? So when things finally fell into place, it was like dropping a huge stone in an otherwise tranquil pool. Those who assumed I was crazy were now convinced. My ex wife, my step sons, my own father… people very close to me treated me like I was some kind of asshole.

So, there was only anger from almost everyone. They didn’t understand. I knew I would die in that crappy town if I stayed. I was fat, sad, lonely, and slipping deeper into a deadly spiral of self loathing. I could feel my soul dying. I hated myself. I was disappointed and at the same time bewildered, at how bad my life had become. This isn’t how it was supposed to be. No one could change it but me. I had to do something, anything to save/change my own life.

Surprisingly, after leaving, I’ve never heard “your crazy” from anyone else ever again. What I do hear is “that takes balls”, or “I wish I could do that”, which I much prefer to the other. It turns out I was surrounded by negative people, draining my energy. I could have never known that without getting away from them. I can now spot (feel) those emotional vampires when they come around and I know when to distance myself. It turns out leaving everything I knew was one of the best decisions of my life.